Not The Same
by Stargazer197
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi has hardly spoken since Siri Tachi died. Will Anakin get him to finally open up? NO SLASH, JUST SOME BROTHERHOOD!


**_NO SLASH, I PROMISE! Just some brotherly love!_**

_He just hasn't been the same since…Siri. _Anakin glanced up at his Master, who was standing quietly at the window, watching the Couruscant sunset. His hands were clasped behind his back, his hair was gelled to perfection, and his mouth was in a tight thin line. He never smiled anymore. He barely talked. Anakin had caught him many times at the Graveyard, staring at Siri's grave, rolling a small blue stone between his fingers absentmindedly. Most of his time was spent in never ending training, training that left him exhausted, and half dead, but he would drag himself out of bed at six o'clock in the morning, and come back at midnight, completely drained. Nothing Anakin could say would bring his beloved Master out of his grief. Anakin sighed, and stood, joining his Master at the window. They were both silent for a few minutes, then Anakin cleared his throat. "I'm sorry…about Siri." Obi-Wan shifted his weight, but still said nothing. "I didn't know her very well, but I know that you were close." He sneaked a glance at his Master. Obi-Wan's face was stone. His hands, however, were clenched tightly—so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. "Master…" Anakin put his hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder. They stood there a little longer, then Anakin sighed. "I'm sorry." He let go and turned, convinced that he had done his best.

"It's so hard." Anakin turned back at his Master's voice. Obi-Wan didn't face him. "It's just…it hurts so much." He swallowed hard. Anakin joined him once again.

"I know, Master."

"I keep seeing her in my mind…" Obi-Wan took a ragged breath. "Everywhere I look. I can't get her out of my head…she won't leave…" He finally turned to Anakin, and his Padawan nearly gasped. His normally clear blue eyes were cloudy and puffy. Dark circles were under his eyes. He hadn't fully faced his Padawan in weeks. Anakin's heart ached for his Master, and he felt horrible. He tried to imagine a galaxy without Padme. He shuddered…his head was describing a place in which he did not wish to live.

"I'm sorry." Anakin said softly.

"I miss her…so much…" Obi-Wan rasped out through a throat raw from holding back tears, finally opening up. Anakin watched, as his Master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, one of the strongest men he had ever met, one of the most powerful Jedi he had ever know, his brother…completely and utterly broke down. Anakin wrapped an arm around his Master, and they both slid to the ground, leaning back against the fiberglass banister. Obi-Wan sobbed, unable to stop his torrent of grief. Anakin rubbed his shoulder gently.

"It's okay, Master. It's okay to cry." He said softly, and Obi-Wan continued to weep. "I'm so sorry." Anakin whispered; his own voice was hoarse with his restrained emotion. Obi-Wan shrugged off his Padawan's arm and buried his head in his arms, making a protective shield, not allowing Anakin through. Anakin sighed. "Master." Obi-Wan ignored him. "Obi-Wan…let me through. You're my best friend. Let me help you through this. Please." Obi-Wan remained silent, only wrapping his arms further around his legs, and burying his head deeper into his arms. Anakin shook his head, and stood. "I'm sorry."

"'I'm sorry.'" He heard Obi-Wan snort. "That's what everyone keeps saying. But 'sorry' isn't going to bring her back, is it?" Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan. "I'm getting sick of hearing 'I'm sorry'." Obi-Wan continued, his voice muffled, his face still hidden in his arms. "Sorry for what? Sorry that Magus shot her? Sorry that she was so foolish as to jump on a speeding ship? Sorry that I was too late to save her?" Anakin sat next to Obi-Wan again.

"You couldn't have stopped what happened. No one could have."

"That's what everyone says. That's what people who are too weak to save the ones they love say. That's what pathetic people who need to make themselves feel better tell their consciences. 'It couldn't be helped'. 'It's not my fault'. 'It could have happened to anyone.'" Obi-Wan suddenly lifted his head and slammed his fist down on the ground. "But it didn't happen to anyone! It happened to Siri Tachi, the most wonderful woman I have ever known! She was smart and funny and kind and beautiful and caring…" Obi-Wan began crying again. "…And she knew when to listen, and she was one of my best friends, and she loved puppies and the color purple, and she hated meditating, but she didn't mind it when she was doing it with me, and she had the softest hair that any woman could ever have, and she loved to swim, and pull pranks, and she was my opposite in every way but still…_I loved her!_" Obi-Wan let his head fall onto his chest. "I loved her, but I was too weak to save her. I was too slow to save her." He slammed his fist on the ground again. "I heard her _scream_, I heard her hit the ground, and I held her in my arms as she breathed her last."

"Master…I know what that feels like." Anakin closed his eyes as a brief flash of pain came through his mind, and then opened them.

"How?" Obi-Wan turned to him, blue eyes flashing with anger. "Did you hold the woman you loved as she died? Did you have regrets? Did you _ever_ even feel love?"

_Yes. Yes, Obi-Wan, I have. I just can't tell you…_ "I have never held the one I loved as she joined the Force. But I held my mother as she died. Her last words were to me. Her last touch was on my face. Her last kiss was to my palm." Anakin choked back tears. "It's not as bad as Siri dying in your arms—"

"No." Obi-Wan's voice sounded almost normal. He put a hand on his Padawans shoulder. "No, it's worse. I'm so sorry, Anakin…you only told me your mother died…I did not know she died with you there." Anakin and Obi-Wan were both silent. Finally Obi-Wan spoke. "Why couldn't it be me?" Anakin started, and stared at Obi-Wan. His Master gazed at the ground glumly. "Why am I still here? Why am I not the one that's lying in the Graveyard, cold, and dead?" Obi-Wan shrugged. "Maybe that's the better option." Anakin stood quickly.

"I don't believe what I'm hearing." He glared at his Master in shock. "You're talking about killing yourself? Master, think of the repercussions…think of…of…" Anakin huffed, then bit his lip. He pointed at Obi-Wan. "Think of Ian Mandan." Obi-Wan didn't look up. "That kid thinks you are the reason the sun comes up in the morning and goes down at night. He adores you. If you kill yourself, imagine what he'd think. Maybe he would have a hard time in his life, and would kill himself because he didn't see a silver lining." Anakin shook his head. Obi-Wan's lip trembled, but he still didn't say anything. "What about Errie Thatcher?" Anakin tried again. "She just now opened up and started talking. You know that you're like a father to her. What would happen if you kill yourself? She would fold up, disappear, maybe never talk again, and maybe drop out of the Order. Think about others, Obi-Wan." Obi-Wan shot up, and glared at Anakin.

"Why do you care so much?" He barked. "Not many people care about me. I'm just another face, another Jedi, another Master!"

"You're not just another Master to me!" Anakin yelled back. "You're like my _brother, _Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my best friend, my rock, my _brother_!" They stood nose to nose, breathing hard, glaring daggers at each other. Anakin took a deep breath. "Would Siri want you to kill yourself?" He whispered. Obi-Wan paled, and Anakin's stomach dropped. "Master, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry-" Obi-Wan didn't say anything. He just straightened, turned, and walked away, into his room. The door slammed shut behind him. Anakin smacked himself in the face. "Great job, Skywalker…you're such a genius."

Obi-Wan didn't come out of his room for the rest of the night. Anakin felt horrible. _Who knows what Obi-Wan is doing in there…_ He paced around the room for hours, thinking of how to apologize to his Master. _Hey, Obi-Wan, I'm sorry that I used your dead girlfriend as a guilt device. Please forgive me. _He shook his head and groaned. "Master." He called. "I'm going for a walk." No reply. He sighed. "Master…I'm sorry. Just…don't do anything that you're gonna regret." Still no reply. Anakin sighed again and walked toward his Master's door. He opened it just a little. Obi-Wan was curled up on the sleep couch, arms wrapped around him, eyes shut, breathing slow and even. Anakin smiled. _At least he's sleeping. He hasn't slept—really slept—at a normal time since Siri died. _ He gently closed the door and walked out, hurrying toward the hoverlift. _Maybe I can stay with Padme for a little while longer tonight…_ He suddenly stopped. _I'm being selfish. Obi-Wan is hurting because Siri died and I'm sneaking off to be with Padme? _He sighed, and turned around. _Force, I hate having a conscience…_He stood outside his and Obi-Wan's room, and dialed up Padme on his holopad. "Hey, love." He said softly.

"Anakin?" Padme yawned, rubbing a fist across her eyes. She pulled her silky bathrobe tighter around her. "What's wrong?"

"I'm going to stay at the Temple tonight. Obi-Wan is…" Anakin sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "He's not dealing with Siri's death very well. I'm worried about him."

"That's fine." Padme looked at him, and her brown eyes sparked with worry. "Is he all right?"

"Not really…" Anakin sat down and sighed again. "Apparently he loved her."

"Well, I knew that." Padme moved so she could sit down. Anakin frowned.

"What? How could you know that? I didn't know that!"

"I could just kinda tell by the way that she looked at him, how he held her when she was dying, how they spoke to each other. I could just tell." She yawned again and ran a hand through her hair. Anakin sighed once more.

"Hey, look. I'm gonna go check on Obi-Wan. Why don't you go back to bed?"

"Okay." Padme stretched and blew him a kiss. "I love you."

"I love you more." He smiled and ended the connection, then walked inside. "I'm back." He said, not knowing whether or not Obi-Wan was awake. He opened his Master's door and saw that Obi-Wan was still asleep, then he settled down on the couch and turned on the holo. He flipped through the channels until he found a rerun of _The Big Bang Theory_, an old show that had long been canceled. He found it one night and had gotten hooked on the funny characters, especially one named Sheldon. Anakin chuckled as Sheldon pointed to a small board and said, "For example, I cry because everyone other than me is stupid and that makes me sad." He heard the door open, and glanced up. Obi-Wan stood there, eyebrow raised in question, watching the holo curiously.

"What's that?" He asked, cocking his head at the show.

"An old show, called _The Big Bang Theory._" Anakin patted the couch next to him. "Wanna watch?" Obi-Wan shrugged and sat down. They watched in silence as Shelton and Leonard yelled at each other, and suddenly Obi-Wan laughed—something he hadn't done since Siri was alive.

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?" He chortled. "This is hysterical!"

"I didn't think you'd be interested." Anakin felt like laughing as he watched his Master snicker like a little Padawan.

"Siri would have loved this." He said quietly, rubbing his beard down.

Anakin winced. "Master, I'm sorry—"

"No, I'm sorry." Obi-Wan let out a final chuckle and ran a hand through his hair. He looked at Anakin. "I shouldn't have said those things about killing myself. I was in the wrong…at least this time." Anakin smirked, and they continued to watch in silence. Suddenly Anakin paused the holo, and turned to Obi-Wan.

"Do you wanna talk about Siri?" At this, Obi-Wan looked down at his clasped hands. "I understand if it's too soon. But talking about it usually helps. It gets your mind off the pain of losing her, and onto the funny things about her." Obi-Wan shrugged. Anakin nodded and aimed the remote at the holo. Obi-Wan took a breath.

"Siri was…different…to say the least." He blurted out. Anakin set the holo-recorder to tape the rest of their show, and shut it off. "She never knew when to stop talking, she always had a comeback, and she was continuously moving." Obi-Wan smiled. Anakin sat back.

"Sounds like we would have gotten along great."

"Actually you did. Siri watched you sometimes when you were younger. When I had a meeting with the Council that was late or something like that, she would come over and make sure you didn't get into any trouble." He grinned at Anakin. "She adored watching you. She said you were the most adorable kid ever." Anakin smirked.

"I was pretty cute." Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, and continued.

"Siri was also very beautiful. When she was younger, a boy in her class used to tease her because she had so many freckles. So she got a marker and scribbled all over her face, to try and hide the freckles." Obi-Wan chuckled at the memory. "She came to my apartment that day, crying hysterically, and begging me to fix it. I asked Qui-Gon what to do, and his advice was to wear a paper bag. So, I ignored that advice, and we scrubbed at her face with every kind of solvent we had in the dorm. We almost even tried bleach, but Qui-Gon caught us and took it away. We finally ended up sneaking into the janitor's closet and taking some of his Goo-Be-Gone chemical mix. That worked, but Siri smelled like fruit for weeks. So instead the boy called her 'Peaches'." Anakin laughed, and Obi-Wan smoothed his beard. "There was another time where she had a crush on this boy. But Siri, being Siri, didn't know how to tell him. So she just walked up to him and punched him hard in the shoulder. When the boy asked her why, she shrugged. 'Cause I like you,' she said. He ran away screaming that 'He didn't like her, because she scared him'. Siri didn't talk for a month. I felt really bad for her."

"Wait, you mean that wasn't you that ran away screaming?" Anakin asked. Obi-Wan smiled ruefully.

"No, I was going through my awkward adolescent stage and was used to the art of 'admiring from a distance'. None of them really showed any interest in me anyway, because I was actually kind of uncomfortable around girls." He smiled again. Anakin leaned forward.

"Tell me more Siri stories." He said. Obi-Wan obliged, keeping them both laughing with story after story off Siri growing up—from the time she stole Master Yoda's gimmer stick, to the time she put a bucket of water on Master Gallia's 'fresher door so her Master would get soaked when she walked through, to the time when she got so drunk at a bar that she leapt on Master Windu's back and started yelling at him to "Giddy-up, little doggy!" Finally Anakin took a breath. "Master? When did you know you loved her?" Obi-Wan stroked his beard, deep in thought.

"I don't really know." He admitted. "I guess it just sort of… happened. Like one day, she was just my friend. And then the next day I looked at her and thought, _Wow. Siri has really grown up. She doesn't look like a little girl anymore._ And it was true. She was more mature, and truth be told, that's what attracted me to her in the first place."

"But when did you know?" Anakin leaned forward. Obi-Wan took a deep breath.

"I think…" he said slowly. "I think that I knew I loved her was…probably when I first kissed her." He blushed, and Anakin grinned at his Master's discomfort.

"And that was…"

Obi-Wan sighed. "I was eighteen. She was sixteen. We had just gotten home from a really tough mission. Neither of us could sleep so we took a walk around the Gardens. And I suddenly noticed how pretty she looked in the faint moonlight, and she looked up at me with those big blue eyes…" Obi-Wan sighed again, and glanced at his hands. "And I just bent down and kissed her."

"Wow, who would have tough that Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mr. 'By-The-Code' himself, actually kissed a girl?" Anakin teased. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and shoved his friend. "How many times did you kiss?" Anakin waggled his eyebrows.

"Why do you want to know?" Obi-Wan fired back.

"So I can tease you relentlessly." Anakin grinned wickedly. Obi-Wan groaned again. "Did you two ever…" Anakin lowered his voice, "You know…take it all the way?" Obi-Wan immediately reddened and Anakin snickered. "Well?"

"Anakin, I'm not as celibate as you think." Obi-Wan shook his head, with a small smile. Anakin whistled.

"Wow. I have a whole new perspective of you now." Anakin smirked. "I kinda like this 'breaking the rules' Obi-Wan."

"Great. I'm so happy." Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Okay, I'm going to bed. Thanks for listening." Anakin stood and stretched.

"No problem. That's what friends are for, right?"

"I do actually feel better." Obi-Wan smiled. "How did you know that was going to work?"

"I did the same thing when my mother died." Anakin winced inside. _Now I'm gonna have to say who I talked to…I can't say Padme or he'll suspect something…_ "Owen liked to hear stories about Mom." He added quickly. Obi-Wan nodded, and Anakin exhaled quietly. _Phew. That was a close one…_

_"_Anakin?" Obi-Wan turned as he stood in the door way.

"Yes, Master?" Anakin looked at his Master.

"Thanks." Obi-Wan smiled again, this time a sad sort of smile, and then he turned around and walked into his room, closing the door behind him. Anakin sighed, smiled at the door, and walked into his own room.

As Obi-Wan slept, a soft blue light appeared in the corner of his room. Siri Tachi's form showed, and she smiled at the sleeping Jedi Master. She walked toward him and gently sat on the edge of the bed. Her blue hand hovered over Obi-Wan's brow, and she sighed, and clasped her hands in her lap. _I love you, Obi-Wan._ She whispered. Obi-Wan stirred in his sleep and moaned, then settled down again. She stood and leaned over him, pressing cool lips to his forehead, and with a gentle sweep of her hand, she pushed the hair off his face. She smiled again, as she saw his fluttering eyelids, and knew he was dreaming of her. _Sleep well, my darling._ She kissed him again, this time on the lips, and then disappeared. Obi-Wan's eyes flickered open, and he glanced around the room. He sighed, and let his head rest back on his pillow.

"I love you, too, Siri." He whispered, then sighed and closed his eyes again.

**Fin. **


End file.
